Top 5 Worst Episode Endings

I’m not saying they all have to be astounding. Not every ending of Lost has to have you clamping your hands to your head, exclaiming “Fucking HELL!” But at the same time, an ending to an episode shouldn’t be a damp fart, either. They can be shocking, or surprising, or moving – but what an ending to Lost should not be is boring or weak or dumb. But some are. And here are my Top 5 worst ones.

Episode 1.7 – The Moth

Hey, metaphor-fans! Get a load of this shit! See, there’s this moth. It’s in a chrysalis, struggling to break free to be ‘born’ and live in the world. Now, as Locke points out to Charlie, he could break the chrysalis for the moth and help it out – but then the moth would not have developed the strength by itself to earn the right to live in the jungle and would probably die shortly after.

This little speech isn’t really about a moth, metaphor-fans. Oh no. It’s really about Charlie and how he has to want to want to kick heroin in order to be strong enough to survive without it. Oh yeah, Locke could help him out by throwing all the heroin in the sea, but better let Charlie break out of his drug chrysalis and break the habit himself.

The metaphor sure is subtle. And it’s never more subtle than when Charlie finally takes the heroin and throws it in the fire in front of Locke. He’s done it! He’s strong enough! And what’s that? Up there in the sky? Why, it’s only the FUCKING MOTH?

Listen, we GET IT. WE GET THE MOTH METAPHOR. We understood it without the need to tack that shitty flying moth on at the end. But what makes the ending worse is that this awful moment turns out to be a load of shit anyway because the moment Charlie stumbles upon a plane full of heroin he’s getting his rocks off, smacked up to the eyeballs on hardcore narcotics before you can say, “You All Everybody!” So not only is the ‘strong moth’ metaphor overdone it’s also WRONG.

Episode 1.13 – Hearts And Minds

So put yourself in Boone’s place. You’re out in the jungle with this guy called Locke, and then he knocks you unconscious, ties you up and rubs paste in your head. He ties you up in such a way that you have to strain in agony to get to a nearby knife to free yourself. Locke calls this “proper motivation”.

Already you’re gonna be feeling pretty pissed off. But then you hear your sister calling out for help, and then there are sounds of the monster – and so you find motivation all right and free yourself and untie your sister (who tells you Locke did this to her) and make a run for it. But after a harrowing chase, tragedy – the monster catches your sister and you later find her dead, bloodied body.

With that, you then make the long walk back to camp. It must be a soul-destroying, miserable journey back. You’ve been betrayed and your sister is dead. Ah, but then you get to camp and a smug Locke is there pointing out that your sister is actually alive and really it was just a drug-induced experience he put you through. It was without question THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE SO FAR - but Locke states he had taught you a lesson and you should go back with him and do what he says.

I would grab Locke by both his ears, call him a “fucking crazy asshole” and headbutt him in the nose before walking off and never having anything to do with him. Boone, as it turns out, figures Locke’s cool, doesn’t bat an eyelid and off he goes. And they call that an acceptable conclusion.

Episode 2.11 – The Hunting Party

This one’s short and sweet. The ending follows an incident where Jack and Sawyer and Locke had a pow-wow with “Zeke”, or Mr. Friendly, or plain old gay Tom to you and me. The meeting was memorable for that moment where Tom called out “Light ‘em up” and that ring of torches appeared and showed Jack and his people The Others had force.

So, having been sent back to their camp with their tails between their legs, Jack’s all pissed off and annoyed and so he sits down with Ana Lucia and tells her his plan. “How long do you think it would take to train an army?”

Bang! The Lost end title boofs up right there and you’re thinking, ALL RIGHT! YEAH! Let’s get Jack and Ana and Mr. Eko and Sawyer and Sayid all tooled up and trained up army-style and ready to kick some Others ass! FUCK YEAH!

Only, in fact, er, no. All this train the army business. . . Yeah, it doesn’t happen. It never gets mentioned. The idea gets dropped like a hot, fresh turd in the hand. So THAT was worthwhile!

Episode 3.05 – The Cost Of Living

“You’re next!” Those were Mr. Eko’s dying words after that face-off against the Black Smoke. Locke held his dying body, and that’s what Mr. Eko said. “You’re next.”

Wow. Holy shit. What does THAT mean? It sounds ominous and full of doom! What does it MEAN!?

Well, here I am during the break between Season 4 and Season 5 and I still don’t know. And thus this ending takes up a slot in this Top 5 because I’ve got a sneaking suspicion it won’t ever come to mean anything. Mr. Eko’s promising dying words left to rot. A great character is killed, given some potentially prophetic words, and they get pissed away. Fucking nice one.

Episode 3.12 – Par Avion

Don’t get me wrong, like some other episode endings here in this list, the conclusion here was an entertaining and eye-opening one. Kate, Sayid, Locke and Rousseau had made it to The Barracks on their mission to rescue Jack, and what do they see? Good old Jack playing a game of American Football with big gay Tom, fooling around with a little touchdown dance and a big grin on his face.

Yep, it’s dramatic all right. Because we don’t know what’s happening with Jack at that time. All kinds of questions come up about whether Jack is ‘one of them’ now, be it willingly or because he’s been brainwashed. It’s all intriguing stuff.

But then the next episode turns up and it’s revealed that Jack is under surveillance, kept in a house with cameras all over the place and is merely maintaining his care of Ben until he and Juliet are allowed to leave the Island. Fair enough. Only why the fuck is Jack so bloody happy then?

Why would he be so giddy and playful despite knowing he was set to leave the likes of Kate and the rest of the Oceanic people behind? Given his trust issues and controlling nature, he can’t even be sure that Ben will stick to his word but, right there at the end of this episode, the man doesn’t have a care in the world.

LET’S PLAY BALL WITH A BIG GRIN AND JERK AROUND!

The guy at the end of this episode is not the Jack that we know. Which was fine when there was the possibility that something dramatic had occurred to radically change him. The problem is nothing radical had happened, and he just went right back to being the same Jack that we know all along. So the ending is a cheat – leading us one way for no good reason than cheap deception.

That’s bollocks. Anyone can get away with a shock, startling ending to an episode by LYING and presenting an interpretation that’s NOT TRUE. What we were given was one set of things and then we eagerly tuned in the following week to find that none of that promise counted for dick. CHEAT!

So that’s MY Top 5. However, for those that don’t agree, here’s a little bonus extra for you. Remember Season One? Remember how we spent ages and ages watching episode after episode with Locke and Boone excavating ‘the hatch’? And then they couldn’t get in the thing? And it was always a big question: “What’s in ‘the hatch’?” And the anticipation in the season finale to get the thing open was just enormous and unbearable?

Remember that?

Yeah?

And then we got THIS?

And that wasn’t even just an episode ending. That was a fucking SEASON FINALE ENDING. After 25 episodes. . . see you next year, fuckwipes!