Dharma Employment Opportunities

The Dharma Initiative have job vacancies in the following positions for your perusal.

The Swan

Description: Entering a code into a computer every 108 minutes (colloquially known as 'pushing the button') with a fellow Dharma employee. Successful candidates will be domestically trained in cooking, cleaning and self-administering intravenous drugs. Free gym membership. Optional opportunity for map design work available under limited lighting conditions.

The Arrow - Closed for renovations.

The Staff

Description: Providing emergency medical attention for induced pregnancies and caring for those expectant, and expecting-to-die, mothers in the concealed hospice area. For the more creative employee there are opportunities for decorating nurseries and creating theatrical costumes.

The Pearl

Description: Making notes in a notebook on the actions of Dharma employees in The Swan Station that are being secretly monitored. Once notebook is full, post into tube and repeat. Candidates are assured this is an incredibly important function. Ideal for couch potatoes and telly addicts. En suite facilities provided.

The Hydra (Cages)

Description: Care for our polar bears with regular attention to cleaning their cages and keeping their fish biscuit supplies stocked. High-fliers may have the opportunity to train the polar bears to solve puzzles! Occasional secondment to supervise employees breaking rocks and hauling ‘em as part of our runway construction development. Stun gun training provided.

The Hydra (Aquarium)

Description: Tattooing our marine life with Dharma logos, successful candidates will be willing to jump in at the deep end in relation to pressing big yellow buttons (that are red). Ability to make toasted sandwiches and cheeseburgers preferred and intercom repair skills a must. Potential career progression in monitoring animals’ nocturnal sexual activity as part of the surveillance team also available.

The Hydra (Room 23)

Description: Oversee the 'cinema studies' in Room 23 where you will be required to strap 'volunteers' into their seat and provide them with glasses with which to view the specially selected films. Ear plugs provided. Dead bird cleaning duties may be required. God loves you as He loved Jacob.

The Flame

Description: Manning our satellite and communications infrastructure, you will be on-hand to deliver any ad hoc research fulfillments whilst controlling food supply drops and power supplies to The Barracks. Ability to work independently essential. Chess enthusiasts welcome!

The Looking Glass

Description: Two core duties comprise the capture of marine life for use in Dharma studies (harpoon training provided) whilst blocking and unblocking outside communications as and when needed. Ideal candidates will be musically proficient and comfortable in a unisexual environment. Knowledge of hydrostatic dynamics irrelevant.

The Tempest

Description: Much of the core work at The Tempest is confidential so this job description is overtly oblique and lacks necessary information that can explain the full nature of the position. Applicants are advised that main duties include some chemical maintenance and rapid gas deployment studies. HAZMAT clothing provided for candidates concerned about the death of every man, woman and child on the Island, but some vague understanding of computers will be enough for the successful applicant to get by.

The Orchid

Description: Keen gardeners will lend their skills to the upkeep of our greenhouse facility and maintain the growth of our abundant and varied plant life. Be prepared to dig deep! How deep? Deep. Candidates may also occasionally be required for some cold manual donkey labour, potential polar bear wrangling and careful labeling of Dharma's bunny rabbits. Please keep them separate. Impromptu martial arts skills and fluency in Tunisian preferred.

The Temple - For senior Dharma Employees only. Contact Mr. Alpert directly for an application form.


1 comment:

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